Don’t Push My Buttons!

There are days when I feel I am being swallowed up by the number of computers in our house. It’s a necessary element in our lives. My husband’s career revolves around technology, whereas I choose to keep it at a comfortable arm’s length. Nevertheless, there are times when it would be easier for my darling spouse to understand me if I worked more like a computer.  Ever wonder what your daily routine would be like if you had an external Control Panel like the computer’s? I imagine I’d have a cool selection of LEDs, Star-Trek style, that would act as visible indicators of my operating status. (I’m thinking something stylish yet discreet like Data’s wrist pad circuitry; call it an integrated fashion accessory.) You see, generally, I am a steady hardworking gal who communicates pretty well using a laptop, but who faces regular challenges because of all the notions and fragments bouncing around in my head. Just imagine how the day might unwind given some computer tweaking …

What colour is your wrong button?

The alarm clock wakes me and Hubby at the appointed 6:45 am time, and my high-tech wrist Display is up and running. The blue Speech Recognition feature takes a moment to determine that I really did hear the radio announcer say that we had yet another visit of sub-zero temps overnight – brrrr! With tootsies touching down on the bedside carpet, Hubby asks how I’m feeling since I tossed a bit overnight. A quick check at the control panel confirms a flashing orange Ease of Access light, something the ache in my neck has also verified. I know I’ll feel better once the ol’ muscles limber up a bit.

We’re just finishing up with breakfast, when Hubby suggests that a pot of coffee might be  in order after scanning my flickering green Performance Info and Tools button. I agree the idea couldn’t hurt, but first I have to review my Start Menu and Task Bar to organize my morning.

I open the blinds over the sink and sigh. Apparently my clear Outlook is covered in splatters of bird crap. The next thing I know I am spritzing the kitchen window with glass cleaner and cursing the debris left behind by our ducks in flight: “Stupid Windows … always troubleshooting…” Checking again with the Task Bar, I realize the bulk of my day is going to be filled with menial chores like laundry, ironing and grocery shopping – Yippee or should I say Yahoo.

With the exception of a short Search for my missing car keys (obviously a faulty Location and Other Sensors button on my panel) in order to retrieve the groceries, it is a lack-luster though tiring day. It isn’t until Hubby resurfaces after 5 pm that my Recovery button blinks with joy (especially when he hands me a refreshing G&T in a chilled glass to announce a spontaneous happy hour of sorts. I do love that other English tradition about having a G&T cocktail instead of a cup of Tetley’s.)

With supper dishes cleared, our evening winds down. Should we watch some TV or listen to some music? My glowing Device Manager button seems to indicate some quieter, relaxing tunes are appropriate. As I snuggle closer on the couch, Hubby smiles over at me and remarks that my red Back-up and Restore button is blinking. I grin back at him and reply that maybe he should look at getting an upgraded model with more memory, better support features, and less kinks in the operating system.

Sorry, Hubby, but I can’t operate like that. My caveat though would remain the same: Don’t push my buttons and we’ll get along just fine for another 30 years.